Bill Safire talks to
"The Dead" Richard Nixon on
Iraqi sovereignty, the 2004 campaign and the Clinton restoration in 2008.
"Q:" is Bill Safire
"RN:" is Bill Safire
Q: But what of our prison abuse——
RN: Look, when the Iraqis in the street get sore, not at us but at the bombers not only blowing up their oil wells but killing their wives and children, any terrorist suspects the new government rounds up will wish the Americans were back in charge. That prison story and the C.I.A. recriminations will drag on and on in the media here because it helps the doves make a necessary war look bad.
You just wait - They be begging us to come back and tortue them.
Q: And what should Kerry be doing as his Boston convention approaches?
RN: First, stop the daily grousing, which turns people off after a while. Stay the hell away from job creation, which has backfired on him. Claim credit for straightening Bush out on Iraq and move on to the great dream. Pick one powerful domestic issue — old folks' health or college education, whatever — hit it hard and make it his own. Kerry's been all over the lot so far.
Let me get this straight. This is advice to Democrat John Kerry from Republican Bill Safire who is pretending to be a dead Richard Nixon who is answering Bill Safire's question about what Kerry should be (but isn't) doing to become President over Safire's favorite-son G.W. Bush.
This column devolved quickly - like a confusing a Star Trek Time travel episode. Speaking of which ...
Next week Bill Safire time travels into the past to sire himself so he can be born and later write a his NY Times column becasue if he isn't born or it all disappears and everyone forgets that he/it ever existed. Just like his Nobel Peace Prize... oh no !! That's already vaporized and no one remembers it becuase it did/didn't happen because Safire never existed to save the planet with his sage advice column because he wasn't born and anyway the United Federation of Planets headquarted in San Francisco's Presidio gets replaced with the George Lucas "Star-Wars" Amusement Park !!
Oh if we can only manage to send him back to at least salvage the NY Times column but not far enough back to restore his Nobel Peace Prize. Oh the sacrafice and noone will remember his contributions except Bill Safire. Oh The Irony.